singular experience; my left chest

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11 

 Being in love can be defined in many ways, it is subjective to every person. As an experience, there is this girl that I liked that much. I met her when we are in elementary in fourth grade, way back 8 years ago. As we all know, those are the times that crushes are sprouting in every classrooms. That thing doesn't bother me that much since I prefer to play and study rather than put time in that thing. It was only one year that she's my classmate, since in public school there's a shuffle of students and rooms every year, but somehow we are still batch mates. As I mature, that feeling grew like a weed in my left chest that made me realize that I have some feelings for her. That feeling was left tranquil until we graduated elementary.

Our communication was lost after the graduation. I was in high school and my feelings for her are somehow fluctuating but I also understand that I am in adolescence stage. It was through friendster that I'm able to communicate with her again even though we are in different schools. After graduating high school, I've realized that my feelings for her grew like a plant, rooted deep within my left chest. 

As years passed, as a Christian, I've realized and learned many things along with my maturity. Somehow, I've learned many aspects of life which are better governed by God but one thing is still a puzzle for me, it is having the right relationship with the right partner that will be given by God.

Upon entering college, we separated ways to give way to our choice of course to study. It is now impossible for me to see her because they moved to another place, conflicting schedules, and our main priority is to study. Now that we're in college, I've tried courting her once but unfortunately she refused. I believed in her reason that she isn't prepared for that thing and I also admit to my self that I have nothing to prove to her, to her parents, to my parents, and to God. In my personal decision, I chose to stay single for her even if it wouldn't make sense or even if there's no assurance of her choosing me as the guy of her life. I want to prove to her that I want to be the first and the last boyfriend she will have and I want to prove to her my loyalty to her.

As part of knowing the right thing to do in having a relationship, I consulted the Bible through the internet to what does it say in having a partner or getting a relationship. I analyze some ideas and I went into conclusion that I need to change my attitude in a God pleasing manner so that God will give her to me. So I continue to live in that principle for some time until one day, a Christian friend of mine posted something about God's plan for our mate.

On His Plan For Your Mate

Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone: to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But, God to a Christian says, no, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me, alone. With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me. To having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me, alone. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I plan for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, really united with another, exclusive of anyone, or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing...one that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best, please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep watching Me...expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I Am. And keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait, that's all...wait. Don't be anxious, don't worry, don't look around at the things that others have gotten or I have given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. Just keep on looking off and away to Me, or you will miss what I want to show you. And then, when you are ready , I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than anything you would dream of.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, and I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepare for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me. And this is perfect love. And, dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.

I want to see in you, in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me. And I want you to enjoy materially, the everlasting union and beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. I know that I love you utterly. I am El Shaddai-most loving Father, God Almighty. Believe it and be satisfied and I will satisfy you.

Author unknown

After reading that note that she posted, I was pierced, shocked, and most of all, I was wrong in my thinking and in my ways. I thought I understood it well but my actions show exactly the opposite. Thank God for showing me that I was wrong or it wasn't enough that I need to change my attitude in a God pleasing manner so that God will give her to me. I was wrong to set my personal plans for my personal gain. And then I realized, as a Christian, I need to stop planning anything about having a relationship. I just need to trust God and entrust my life to Him always. :) Let His plans in my life prevail, for His plans are good and eternal.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7