Still

My Father was right.. I am wrong.. He convicted me.. He taught me things through His words..

While watching the tv, I glanced at the mirror beside it and saw my fine, well groomed hair. I took a closer look in it and it is really ok but I also observed my face in the mirror. I thought to my self, "How I wish a face can be changed that will match the hair in it". Somewhere in my chest, I felt like a little upset of my face for it isn't good enough unlike the others who have a face that will really make them the boy next door.
But my Father reminded me of one thing, what is more important than the good, nice face is the good character a man has inside him. Yes, I realized that what my Father said was true, indeed true. Character, yes character, I remembered what I thought in my mind these past few days.


I realized that I have to give up every emotion, guilt, bitterness or whatever pain inside of me in order to follow my Father. These past few days, He want me to realize that I must not be devoured by my emotions. I must give up my emotions and completely to obey my Father's words and teachings. But then I still continued to submerge myself in the prison of my emotions and feelings which resulted to guilt, bitterness, and most of all, pride. I dwell on those things lately, not realizing that I am completely drowned by those things. I was warned by my Father and yet I didn't follow, instead I continued my self-destructive ways.
What's the result? Bitterness swallowed me, I became far apart from my Father, and my heart and mind closed from the goodness of God. I became very sad within me and the Holy Spirit really convicts me to change and leave my self-destructive ways.

Just this evening, my mind was opened, I remembered that I want to follow my Father but I, myself had made a wall, a barrier that will hinder and block His plans, guides, and words for me. In order to return to Him, and focus to Him again completely, I must remove all those barriers and hindrances. I am weeping inside of me as if I'm trapped by the walls that I made, I can't move, I can't see, I can't feel anything. Destroying those things will be a hard task since it is glued together by my senseless pride, but I really want to destroy that barrier. I know it's really hard but I will try my best to return to His light and live this world guilt, bitterness, and pride free.
Obeying my father completely and following his words over my emotions would be really a hard task. But as the scriptures want to say/tell, give up the emotions and completely follow and obey God's words despite the fact that it's really hard. I know myself that I will really have a hard time removing and destroying the barriers due to pride, but I still want to follow my Father's instructions and obey Him completely even if it takes me a lifetime to remove the barriers one by one just like a high wall built in strong bricks.